Do Hard Things

by Gabrielle Krieger

What’s the hardest thing you’ve made yourself to do lately? I’m not talking about the dishes or getting up early to mow. I’m talking something really out of the box, uncomfortable for you. I’m in the mindset that’s it’s critically important to regularly find areas of healthy growth that push us outside of our comfort zones. A good example of this is when we have to schedule our first appointment at the doctors as a young adult. Picking up the phone in that moment feels like your heart might explode out of your chest. You do it once though, and the next time is easier, and easier, etc. Notice this isn’t climbing to the top of Mount Everest, it’s just a phone call, but it’s something difficult to someone who has never experienced it before.

Let’s be real; sometimes pursuing music can feel discouraging because musicianship IS a long journey, even if we are playing songs regularly and feeling that sense of completion week after week. However as musicians, it’s critically important to be pushed past our own limitations regularly to experience the satisfaction that comes from growth. That’s right, I’m talking about playing in front of others. When we look at what’s causing our emotional distress in these situations, maybe we’re afraid of failure, maybe not even that far, but simply making a mistake in front of others, or just the idea of getting in front of a crowd.

What would be the point of placing yourself in a situation where you could be so exposed or vulnerable?

Steve Magness is a consultant for mental skills performance and co-author of Peak Performance and The Passion Paradox, and now “Do Hard Things”. He was interviewed by Amy Dorin on The Verywell Podcast:

"Real toughness is acceptance, right? It's, it's accepting the difficult thing. It's accepting that you might fail. It's accepting that you might even struggle or have doubts. And that's OK. Once you have that acceptance, you can actually navigate it. When you deny reality, you can't really navigate it."

That’s huge here! The peaks valleys and plateaus is all about accepting the situation as it is, instead of running from it.

Another anecdotal strategy I’ve found with my students is ownership. Verywell mind refers to this as “Self-Determination Theory.” This is distinct from autonomy, since children specifically aren’t quite autonomous, but we are teaching them to be. When the student, young or old, has a say in their work and how much of it they will be responsible for, I see a much larger development and confidence behind the instrument.

“Real confidence demands evidence. It’s developed in doing difficult things, and it’s not always developed in doing difficult things and succeeding. You can obtain confidence from failing, because you put yourself in the arena, said ‘Hey, this is what it’s like, I’ve been here before, next time I know what to expect and can be better prepared.’ So I think, unfortunately in society, we have this tendency to kind of like, prop up the external, which is often this...external bravado and confidence that you see on Instagram that makes it look like ‘Hey I’m doing the hard thing,’ but the real confidence is what I call ‘quiet.’ You just know. You know you’ve put in the work, you know it could go well, it could go wrong, but you’re prepared to do what you have to do.”

Nothing could sum up the nature of playing for others more than this! We don’t heavily stress theatrics, lights and fancy set ups for our opportunities to play. It’s not about us, it’s about you. It’s about creating a safe, nurturing environment for your student to take baby steps and feel the sense of accomplishment after playing for others, simultaneously boosting their confidence and future wins.

Since we released our Farmer’s Market and Showcase schedule, I’ve been impressed at how many of you have stepped up to help your student share their gifts with others. This month, how can you encourage your student to step outside their comfort zone in other arenas besides music in healthy ways?