Prodding vs. Modeling
by Gabi Krieger
One fun fact about me: I had the privilege of my parents homeschooling me through the Charlotte Mason method.
Charlotte Mason was an educator in the 1800s, and was a proponent in teaching the will of the child, rather than solely content. Raising a child to value character, how to think and being consistent with the child’s character development was an active part of her writings. From the “Simply Charlotte Mason” website:
By “Atmosphere,” Charlotte meant the surroundings in which the child grows up. A child absorbs a lot from his home environment. Charlotte believed that the ideas that rule your life as the parent make up one-third of your child’s education.
This is one of the core reasons why we stress surrounding yourself with good music on a regular basis. You can not become a good anything without immersion.
By “Discipline,” Charlotte meant the discipline of good habits—and specifically habits of character. Cultivating good habits in your child’s life make up another third of his education.
This is why we stress creating a habit of practice - not for legalism, but for thriving in the learning process.
The other third of education, “Life,” applies to academics. Charlotte believed that we should give children living thoughts and ideas, not just dry facts, so all of her methods for teaching the various school subjects are built around that concept.
Something unique about her philosophy was her distinguishing the difference between prodding and modeling good behavior for a child through the life of the parent. We’ve all been caught doing it, right? “Go make your bed!” But Charlotte would say this is counterproductive, not only because it’s not specific, but because children haven’t seen what it means to “make your bed” yet. To learn a new skillset, these five steps are the most effective:
Do the skill, have the child watch
Do the skill, have the child help
Have the child do the skill, you help
Have the child do the skill, you watch
Child does the skill independently
The unspoken rule is the follow through - what happens when they know how to do it independently and see if you’re paying attention? Charlotte says:
Having in a few - the fewer, the better - earnest words pointed out the miseries that must arise from this fault, and the duty of overcoming it, and having so got the (sadly feeble) will of the child on the side of right-doing, she simply sees that for weeks together the fault does not recur.
The rubber meets the road when the child is testing you to see if you are watching them. Can they get away with just a small slip up? Surely it won’t hurt…but it will, by undoing all the work that was just created. Just a few small reminder words will work wonders with the child. I think our own responses to these situations show that gentleness goes a long way.
The one thing I DON’T want this post to cause is parent guilt! None of us are perfect and will fail each other, we are only human. The ultimate goal is to raise healthy, well equipped children with character!