Five Reasons Kids Succeed at Anything
by Gabrielle Krieger
If you're like anyone I regularly talk to when I tell them I'm a music coach, you're probably thinking about your past music experiences in any capacity. this isn't limited to private music lessons, of course. It's an interesting experience, - one small comment can catapult individuals into a nostalgic era.
The thing is, no matter WHERE i am in the country, the conversation usually goes one of three ways.
The person has had no music lessons of any kind, but always fascinated by music.
They have limited experience with "reading" in middle school or high school band but still see it's importance.
They took ongoing, childhood music lessons.
And of the latter, I only ever hear of two experiences:
Lessons were good, and they no longer play piano, with seemingly little interest and no ability to play without sheet music
Lessons were an awful experience, no freedom with the instrument, unable to play and they want something different for themselves or their child.
with an overarching belief that it takes TALENT to be successful in music lessons.
Now, that's a pretty high unsuccess rate when you think about how many people are STILL playing music. I can not name you a person inquiring for lessons I have spoken with who is still playing piano actively!
And it's been this way for years, decades even. One quick look on Facebook marketplace and you'll quickly see how many favors you would be doing for random strangers by taking their grandma's old spinet piano out of their home.
But even still, people desire to play, and play good music; our studio is home to over 260 students age 2-70!
Every student I've taught who is still taking lessons is a fantastic player. But it's not because they're "naturally gifted" or talented.
While I've taught hundreds of people over the last seven years, I've also had the privilege of having this conversation with many types of coaches; wellness coaches, sports coaches, and more, and the following rings true of successful student in any environment, so you can apply this formula to whatever you value for your child's growth and development.
So how do these people do their craft so well?
To answer that, it's best to get context first.
There are three pivotal roles in any external education environment of any kind. School would be an example of this, dance lessons, tutoring, sports, etc. You probably know them already:
The person doing the learning, aka "The Student"
The person doing the instructing of the skill being learned, "The ______ Coach". Could be The Tennis Coach, The Soccer Coach, etc. In this case, we'll call them "The Music Coach."
The person doing the motivating, the accountability, and the encouragement at home. Most traditionally, the parent, but all homes are different, so we can call them, "The Life Coach."
And of these roles, these five things are present in their life consistently, throughout their learning experience:
1. The life coach CREATES time, with margin, for the student's craft.
We live in a busy world! Information is constantly at our fingertips, websites and ads are vying for our attention, social media posts make us feel as less-than parents lacking unless we expose our children to many options and try all the possibilities before they grow up and lock in on what they want to contribute to the world. It's a lot of pressure to be a parent, and it's not always clear what's the right choice.
Regardless of our environment, you ay have heard of the old idiom, "Master of One." In an ideal world, we would live much longer than we do on the earth and have lifetimes to understand many kinds of crafts and trades. The reality is, our time is limited. It's easy to get run down, that your life is running you. I have been there so many times, so I'm preaching to the choir!! That's why we love vacations.
You can choose to do many things spread too thin, or you can choose to do one or two things really well. Olympiads don't spend their time wondering if they chose the right path. They chose it, committed to it, and made the time for it because it was important to them. Learning and becoming successful at anything takes time...
To understand and enjoy it
To truly master it
To feel like the trade is a companion and comfort
Enjoyment only comes with space.
2. The life coach has a priority of the craft for the student.
Let's go back to current culture for a second. One of the top responses I hear from parents is "I don't want to force my student to do something they don't want to do."
And this is a valid point. I like to take school as an example.
Of course, no reasonable person would consider school a "forced" activity, right? Nor eating vegetables, going to the doctor annually, brushing teeth, heck - getting dressed for the day. Why? These are necessary for life, wellness, and health.
What in your life have you prioritized for your student as a learning opportunity?
Maybe for you and your family, it's swimming lessons in case of emergency. Maybe it's soccer, to learn to work well with a team. Maybe you want your kids to have knowledge of your emergency plan. Having these kinds of structures are good and healthy for your kids to know your priorities for them.
It's actually very rarely about the activity itself, it's about what's learned through it.
Instead of being imposing, as a parent you are aligning your values with action and teaching your kids to do the same. It's a model for how to do life; it's future focused. All the students who play well have life coaches who have chosen to treat music lessons the same. It is a choice!
3. They show up prepared, every time, with rare exceptions.
This is a tough one, I know! Life is hard. Things happen, and shifting priorities will always have something taking precedence in your life based on what aligns with your values. But for true success in any subject, the value of the activity at large far outweighs any special circumstances that might arise week after week.
Think about your calendar for a minute. If you find yourself making time for specific types of activities such as resting, biking or going to the gym, chances are you find the value of that activity very beneficial to your life. And when that's in place, success occurs very naturally because you've crafted the time for it.
Likewise, for your student to succeed, your alignment to the outcome and dedication to it will naturally create preparation through guarded play time and willingness to do whatever the instructor is requiring for their ultimate benefit.
4. There is an alignment of trust and conversation between the student, the discipline coach, and the life coach.
Have you ever been to summer camp as a kid? Did you ever do the trustfall exercise? You know the ones... where you stand on an elevated bench or chair, & 6-8 people behind you catch you as you cross your arms, close your eyes, and fall backwards. The trustfall only works if all participants are communicating, strong, and equally prepared. Ironically, I'm pretty sure camps can't do these anymore because of the liability. Case in point: people were getting hurt from lack of the three.
Am I making a case for blind trust? Of course not, that would be foolish. An expert in any arena has experience, knowledge and opportunities to build relationships and trust with coaches before a larger commitment. Any new skill is an investment of time and money, and should be properly vetted.
However once proven, the student, life coach, AND discipline coach say "Okay, here we go! We are all in." Which leads me to my next point...
5. You must be all in to experience results of any kind.
Oof, that's heavy. But bear with me for a moment.
Think through your life of anything you started and didn't finish. Why didn't you finish? At some point, you were lukewarm. Maybe you lost interest in the project, life priorities changed, what have you. I've done the same! This isn't a call out, it's honestly not. It's a simple fact. If you don't fully commit to college, you won't graduate. If you don't fully commit to a job, your boss and customer will know.
Conversely, think of all the times you have been all in. A sports team. A relationship.
The businessman going out on his own to start a company has no option but to be all in. He's put his reputation, his finances, his future into an idea. Then, 5-10 years down the road, it pays off.
All these situations are future focused and establish success, knowing that what's ahead is so much better than the present!
Ultimately, you only have your children for 18 years. They have the rest of their lives to make a lot of choices on their own! What will you cultivate in their lives to set them up for success?